DEH
November 10, 2009
A brother in Christ here told his daughter’s suitor, “I’ll give my blessing to your marriage…but you must promise me this: that you will never stop courting her.” He is a wise father, and one who practices what he preaches with his own wife. Cultivating marital oneness with your spouse requires ongoing effort. I’m a fellow struggler in this effort, but I’d love to share with you a helpful way to think about it and plan for it, courtesy of Focus on the Family’s Young Married blog:
You can remember it with the acronym DEH. Our counselors (a seasoned married couple with grown children) urged us to attempt to incorporate DEH into our marriage. D is for date. Have a date once a week. This can be discussion over coffee after a church service or popcorn and a movie at home after the kids have gone to bed.
E is for event. Plan one monthly. Spouses may trade off planning events. This might be a hike and picnic lunch on a Saturday afternoon, going to a play together or enjoying a nice dinner out. An event should feel special and intentional.
H is for happening. A happening takes place, generally, once a quarter. A happening can range from a weekend away at a bed and breakfast to a road trip to a nice vacation.
Of course, DEH is a rule of thumb. There will be times when finances, children and other life circumstances hinder living out DEH. But at those times, it’s helpful to still aspire to the formula. Maybe a happening looks like spending the night at a local hotel while friends watch the baby. DEH is just a tool. The important thing is to make dates with your mate a priority.
