Back-to-school advice
August 23, 2011
I had a good meeting this morning with a couple of other fathers–good fellowship, a bit of mutual sharpening and prayer. It reminded me of this quote from The Rev. William Still, late pastor of Gilcomston South Church, Aberdeen, Scotland:
Every autumn I have a spate of letters from fond parents, teachers, guardians, and monitors, appealing to me to follow up on such and such a youngster who is away from home at college for the first time, and who has to be hunted, followed, shadowed, intercepted and driven to Christian meetings. I have scarcely ever know this desperate technique to work. I understand the panic of parents and guardians, but it is too late then to try high-pressure tactics. Prayer, example and precept, in that order, are the means of bringing up children and young folk in the faith. Nor will high pressure tactics and brainwashing techniques avail when young folk have gone off on their own. Some young folk, alas, will have their fling and sow their wild oats, and come at last to heel, sadly, like the prodigal son. It is where Christains pathetically put their trust in external techniques and artificial strategems that young folk go astray. Nothing takes the place of the realism of holy living and secret wrestling before God in prayer for our youngsters.
Cream of blog 07.22.10
July 22, 2010
- Advice for parents of college-bound students from John Mark Reynolds.
- Shared link from Dr. David Jones on the Christian ethics of cremation.
- C.J. Mahaney answers a father’s question about the heart issues behind a son’s obsession with video games.
- Owen Strachan gathers some powerful points from Jonathan Edwards on the question of how you can discern if you truly are a Christian.
I like a well-turned ankle as much as the next guy, but…
June 17, 2010
Lately our friend Ligon Duncan has been offering up “classics” from his “Pastor’s Perspective” piece in the FPC Jackson newsletter, The First Epistle. Here’s a still timely excerpt from his October 16, 2001, column re: modesty…
…regarding modesty, I have been approached recently by a number of godly women in our congregation who have, independently of one another, expressed their concerns to me about the lack of modesty in the clothing of many of the girls and young women in our own church. Now, I realize that fools rush in where angels fear to tread, but allow me to venture a few comments.
Current styles of dress are not exactly helping our young people in the direction of modesty. The headmaster of our Day School spoke to our Session Monday night and spoke in passing of the “Britney-ization” of our girls (referring to the famous pop icon, singer/dancer, and pin-up girl – Britney Spears). Of course, this is nothing new. Fashion has always posed certain challenges for Christians. However, we seem to be in a phase of particular, acute and widespread compromise.
I saw a column by Terry Johnson (Senior Minister of the Independent Presbyterian Church in Savannah, Georgia) a few weeks ago addressing this issue in his own congregation. He said: “I remember long ago reading Eric Segal’s description of the heroine in Love Story (through the thought of her ‘preppie’ suitor) that there had never seen so much as an additional button left unbuttoned on her blouse. This was Segal’s way of describing her modesty. She exposed nothing! Somehow I can’t imagine a novel today having such a line. Our culture is so far gone in the direction of immodesty that Jennifer (no puritan herself) seems quaint, almost Jane Austenish. The spandex revolution has taken its toll. In addition to shorts and skirts that are way too short (what’s wrong with the top of the knee?), and necklines that plunge way too low, we must now contend with tops and bottoms that are ridiculously too tight.”
Elisabeth Elliott has raised a timely point abut modesty in her newsletter. She quotes a letter from a listener: “Where are the men? Why are they so passive on this issue? I’m speaking particularly of husbands and fathers who allow their wives and daughters to appear publicly in an inappropriate and immodest fashion. This issue is close to my heart because we have been blessed with three sons and three daughters. My heart’s desire is to teach them the responsibility that goes with purity and abstinence, to appear and behave in such a way that God is honored. But what do we say to our children when many of the Christian girls they meet and with whom they interact do not practice modesty? Though they profess the name of Christ, their appearance certainly causes godly young men to strive valiantly with their thoughts. I thank God for a godly husband, who guards and gives guidance to our daughters and to me. May our children have the strength to respond in a godly way in spite of the tremendous pressures to compromise. I realize this is not a popular issue to talk about, but it is a concern that is close to my heart and I believe close to the heart of our Heavenly Father.” (From Gateway to Joy, May 24, 2001).
Reading list: parenting with a future hope
May 17, 2010
FPC Kosciusko recently hosted Covenant Values Weekend, featuring Dr. John Kwasny, director of Christian education and children’s ministry at Pear Orchard Presbyterian Church in Ridgeland, Mississippi. You can download the content of his lectures at fpckosciusko.org.
John also provided attendees with a recommended reading list. Titles are available from good Christian book outlets:
General parenting:
- Gospel-Powered Parenting by William P. Farley
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
- Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd & Margy Tripp
- Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle (pamphlet)
- Your Family, God’s Way by Wayne Mack
- Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Lou Priolo
Parenting Teens:
- Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp
- The Space Between by Walt Mueller
Anger Problems:
- The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo
Catechism/Family Devotions
- Training Hearts, Teaching Minds by Starr Meade
Jesus is pure; his bride wasn’t
March 10, 2010
Russell Moore gives a gospel-saturated answer to a young woman asking about what she has a right to know about her boyfriend’s sexual past and when she has a right to know it. Take and read.
Also read Jeremiah 3.
Tattoos, submission, and growing up
January 26, 2010
At his blog Moore to the Point, Russell D. Moore answers a question from a 19-year-old about his desire to get a Christian tattoo and his desire to honor his parents. Moore deals with all the right questions in his response. Most helpful to me is the way he speaks to an issue that has come up from time to time in my ministry to families. Teens, especially those in the midst of rebellion, cling to a cherished belief that once they turn 18, then they are adults and no longer have to submit to parents. This is one of the most ridiculous statements ever made, and yes, I know all the things that most states in the U.S. say an 18-year-old can legally do. Moore handles it biblically (and more thoughtfully than I often do):
When does your obedience to parents end or, better put, when are you responsible for making your own decisions?
It isn’t at eighteen. The Bible never puts eighteen or twenty-one as some arbitrary mark between childhood and maturity. Instead, in Scripture, maturity is less a chronological or biological matter than an economic one. When are you able to establish a household, a household for which you are responsible? The creation pattern is that a man is equipped to provide for his household (Gen. 2:15). He then “leaves father and mother” as he cleaves to his wife and forms (within the larger tribe) a new household (Gen. 2:24).
Between childhood and maturity, your parents are working to prepare you for this responsibility, handing over more and more of it to you as you prepare to give yourself over for the provision and protection of a wife and family (Eph. 5) or for the sake of the mission (1 Cor. 7).
Truth Project begins May 20
May 18, 2009
FPC Kosciusko folks have been hearing about The Truth Project, which begins May 20, as part of our Wednesday Night Connection. Sunday evening we showed a promotional video. If you missed it or want to see it again, here it is:
Everyone is invited. Youth and their parents are especially encouraged to attend. Grant Carroll and Culley Newman will serve as facilitators.
Nota bene. 11.20.07
November 20, 2007
I’m borrowing Joe’s Nota Bene category to post a link to piece written last week by John Piper about a phenomenon sociologists are calling adultolescence–the postponement of adulthood into the late twenties or even into the thirties. I have always defined adulthood as paying your own freight and taking responsibility for providing for yourself and your dependents (if you have any). Piper offers a 15-point strategy by which the Church should respond to this sociological trend in his piece entitled A Church-Based hope for ‘Adultolescence.’
Real Sex–a review
November 14, 2006
‘About 65% of America’s teens have sex by the time they finish high school….A 2002 study the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 41% of American women aged fifteen to forty-five have, at some point, cohabited with a man. According to the 2000 census, the number of unmarried couples living together has increased tenfold between 1960 and 2000, and 72% between 1990 and 2000. Fifty-two percent of American women have sex before turning eighteen, and 75% have sex before they get married. According to a 2002 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation and Seventeen magazine, over a quarter of fifteen-to seventeen-year old girls say that sexual intercourse is ‘almost always’ or ‘most of the time’ part of a ‘casual relationship.’
If your internet filter let you get this far, let me suggest that you read the book from which I derived this information: Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren F. Winner (Brazos Press, 2005). Dr. Winner speaks to the issue of chastity (which C.S. Lewis called ‘the most unpopular of the Christian virtues’) with a great deal of theological awareness, exegetical skill, wisdom, wit and healthy candor. Real Sex is an insightful exploration of the role of sexuality in the world-view of those under the age of 40.
Winner begins with personal testimony of her conversion during graduate school and the rather awkward transformation of her personal sexual ethics as a young disciple of Christ. She intelligently argues the case for the biblical view of sex (‘Without a robust account of the Christian vision of sex within marriage, the Christian insistence that unmarried folks refrain from sex just doesn’t make any sense’ [25]) and reasons wisely about why sheer determination or abstinence programs like ‘True Love Waits’ are such monumental failures.
The most intriguing and insightful chapter is ‘Communal Sex: Or, Why Your Neighbor Has Any Business Asking You What You Did Last Night’, in which she calls on Christians to reject the destructive lie of the culture that ‘it’s nobody’s business’ and embrace the vision of a community of believers who speak frankly and biblically about sexual sin and ‘the realities of chastity, about the thrills and tediums of married sex, about the rich meanings inherent in being sexual persons who live in bodies…to ask the church to serve as narrator, reminding ourselves who we are, and why we do what we do’ (60).
The remaining chapters speak about matters such as sanctification (‘Conforming Your Body to the Arc of the Gospel’), singleness, sex and idolatry in our hearts and culture, and repentance. A couple of other notes about the book: the edition linked above also contains a discussion guide (Invite me to that Sunday School class or small group!). Also,on more than one occasion she credits some wisdom from one of our RUF campus ministers–Rev. Greg Thompson, formerly at the University of Virginia (Do not become puffed up at the mention of UVa, Joe and Hallie!). Adults and teenagers need to reckon with the message of this book.
